So, I’ve been lusting a lot lately. Like getting on websites and all that stuff— I try to get over it, because I know one way or another my relatives will find out about it. And recently my sibling almost did, and it’s like. I said in my head “it’s my privacy” but at the same time, was it really wrong if I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to do anyway? It’s just I feel so lonely and doing that is the only way I can feel friendship or partnership, I don’t understand the feeling it just makes me feel awesome. But, I don’t wanna do that. I want my friends to make me feel true friendship, I’ve prayed today, hoping that I can get rid of this addiction. I said god can punish me if I do it again, so. I’m trying to convince myself that only my friends can make me feel true friendship, and I’m trying. But at the same time, since I’m moving it feels like “meh, we’ll stop being friends anyway” I mean, it’s not guaranteed that I am moving but, I want to make my friendship stronger than this.