Sometimes I feel like the world itself is telling me "you're hopeless." And I don't know what I could even do about it if it was. Sometimes I say I do live out of spite, go through but get through ridiculous, traumatizing or horrible things. But what happens when it runs out? I don't know if I'm that defiant. I've been going for a while even when I didn't want to, but I'd be lying if I said I have any idea where I'm going at this point.