I just want to be intimate with someone, I've been alone and lonely for such a long time. Being autistic is definitely roadblock for me. I keep maladapative daydreaming, constantly, every day. I want to write, to draw, and make art, but I'm weighed down by my depression. I wish I could meet a girl that is autistic, warts and all, someone that I can feel comfortable with that is able to somewhat understand what I'm going through. Someone I can love and be loved, and to comfort and be comforted by. I don't want to be a clingy burden, but I simply just want to have just a sliver of intimacy. The closest thing I have to a partner to snuggle up with is my plushies in my bed. I also suffer from de-realization, sometimes all i see is blurriness, and my surroundings don't feel real. It's agonizing, but I have to keep trudging on. Lately, I've been having dysphoria of my gender which is something that's been nagging at my mind since i was born. I hope everything gets better, eventually.