I just don’t understand why after everything I don’t get to just relax and imagine that I might actually have something of a shot. When I see Charlie it makes me want to rip my hair out because I like him so much but I can’t tell him. He just told us he’s official with a girl he’s seeing and I just feel so low because of it. And i don’t get why it’s affecting me so much. Every time I see him my anxiety heightens because part of me feels just so helpless. And then tonight he’s cuddled up with one of our flat mates and it makes me feel so gross. Not only because it feels like he’s crossing a boundary that his new girlfriend doesn’t know about but he’s doing it in the same room as 3 other people while they’re asleep. I don’t get it. I don’t want to feel like this anymore but I can’t help but want to just die of embarrassment. She knows how I feel and maybe she feels some sort of way. I don’t know. But I can’t stand it. I just want to die so I can have it all go away.