I just wanna die it hurts to think anything. All my friends care for me but I always somehow manage to mess up everything. It hurts everywhere. I learnt everything on my own even I have my family, my parents, my friends, my teacher, just everyone. They watched me grow through the pain, now they blame me for being cold and annoying. Every night and every fucking day I look at the roof just blankly "Why do I deserve to exist here?" every day feels like the same fishshit. I don't even know how to jump, run, do basic maths, even tying my own shoelace at the age of 13, I don't even know if im 13 or 14, I don't even know if im a girl nor a boy, I didnt even realize that if im real or not. I hate everyone around me expect my pets which I call them my Childs. I have this trauma thingy cause of my dad "accidentally" killing all my Childs. They were my everything. They were my child. Yet they knew and blamed me for having them. Where did I mess things up in my life?