Therapy costs so damn much, and all I want is this medical weight off me. I don’t have any diagnosis but a therapist could do me 10x better than sleeping. I’m already living in a space I don’t trust saying/interacting with anyone even if they are my biological family. Socially, I could care less about them. I’m scared they find out how I feel and then I get lectured. Let me go already from the burden of relationships of having to care and inconvenience myself for someone else. I want to breathe instead of overthink until I cry every time I’m off my phone. What if I annoy them until I’m kicked out and have nowhere to stay—somewhere more solitary than being in the house already? I can’t fake it to my brain that someone is/has to be there for me anymore, it’ll be too obvious for the fucker at that point. I don’t want a deity I can’t see, I want care that has weight and warmth rather than a cold phone and masturbation.