i dont want to kill myself but everything feels so bad recently and idk what to do about it. i failed everyone and nobody really cares about me but i feel really ungrateful because they say they do. i have a boyfriend and everything is going okay sort of but im sick and tired. my parents always find something to get mad about and if i tell anyone they fucking normalize it. school is gone for 3 months so thats good atleast. im really sick of having a place to stay but not being able to label it as home. i dont really know what to do anymore because i feel like everything i do is a dead end and that i cant do anything to fix it. i failed school because i didnt try hard enough and now everyones mad at me and i deserve it but ill be dead by 18, so why do i even need it? i really want to die but at the same time im too scared to do so, because what happens after i die? and i dont want my brother and pets to bare the fact ill be gone. i feel bad for my friends who have to deal with me.