i feel like the more progress i've made in my life the more i backslide. i keep missing deadlines and small details and it's hard not to assign that to a personal/moral issue instead of just letting it be as it is. i don't think my parents taught me especially well how to deal with failure (probably because I didn't visibly fail so much as a kid) and so now everything feels like a big deal isn't when it isn't, and i don't know where to start when a problem is supposedly fixable. as i write this i'm fighting with the urge to tell my parents about another screw up because i know i'll just get solutions instead of an ounce of sympathy, and by god, do i want sympathy. i want someone to understand that i don't do these things on purpose. i want someone not to accuse me of weaponized incompetence every time an email rots in my inbox like food in the fridge. i feel like i need to go back and just relearn everything from childhood again, and even admitting to that is shameful.