idk what's wrong with me. i can't sleep and at the same time i'm so tired. i've kept myself busy (like ridiculously busy) for so long just so i don't give myself time to think. i would like to think it's not that. it's just that when i let myself think, i always end up thinking about the bad stuff. people who are jealous or idk what of me and wish for my misfortune. others who just openly try to break me down, even in my family. "friends" who turn sides so often i can't tell if they like or hate me or just don't care anyway. sometimes i feel like it'd just be easier to disappear. idk. either run away or die idc. i've though about both a decent amount tbh. who would notice or care? where i'd go, what i could do, or just the peace of everything being over. idk. i have stuff i want to achieve. i had someone who rly supported me in one of the things i told him i wanted to do. but he's gone so much lately. what am i even worth? does anyone rly care? what's the point of living like this? why