he treated sex like power. he enjoyed seeing the power i had given him over my body and he would rape me to prove to me that he could do it and i was just a meaningless piece of shit in his way. i regret everything so much. it was so violent even when he tried to pretend to be sweet. i would turn my back to him and cry while he would fall asleep by my side. i felt so disgusting. and i felt disgusted by him, his voice, his touch, everything related to him. it was all so hard to deal with. i really have no idea how i made it out alive. he would constantly tell people that he had so much sex like it was consensual. he would tell me directly that he would rape me for every little mistake i made. i'm actually really glad i cheated on him and i hope it really messed with him because he deserved it. he also tried to civince me that it was okay for him to rape me because of that. that i should agree to him having anal sex with me for at least 5 times so he could forgive me.