I just relapsed. it felt so relieving at the time but now I feel guilty. I had a promise. I told her I wouldn’t do it again. I feel like a bad person because I can’t ever keep promises big or small. I hate this. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I can’t ever be honest either. my parents pay for therapy but I can’t even be honest. my arms sting as I’m typing this but I’ll keep going. I’m tired of being left out, I’m tired of being put aside, I’m tired of being the puppy you left on the sidewalk waiting for its owner. I wait and love like a dog. I barely have friends and they rarely talk to me. they only talk to me if they need something. am I that useless that you forgot to tell me you were going to meet up without me? my online friends aren’t any better. they literally have their own trio without me. i’m so gosh dang useless to everyone. I miss being a kid, so happy and jumping all over the place. who have I become at this point? I miss who I was before. why can’t I change at all? :(