All my life ive struggled with sleeping in a way. im never able to keep up with a healthy sleep schedule, nothin. Growing up with parents that moved all the time was fun, but when i was with my father he never watched over me. I gained an unhealthy habit of checking my surroundings at night and i cant sleep without a flashlight to check my room, or rest in large/open rooms. i NEED to be able to spot everything around me, and i need a bed against a wall, no multiple sides. Being like this, and thinking like this, just being too aware is so suffocating and it drives me insane. I was sexually assaulted a few times in my life because i didn't watch myself enough, and i guess this is the effects of it. I sleep on calls with friends sometimes because it makes me feel safer. Like im at a sleepover, really. Im under 18 and still growing, and i hope ill just,, be okay really. I dont want to be hurt anymore.