I feel like one big failure. like I'm so lazy. I only do what I wanna do and just not do what I don't want to do. I don't tough it out or power through. I just give up or don't do it. and I'm failing most of my classes because of this. I just make excuses. I'm just a piece of shit. I don't feel worthy of the love I get. I don't deserve it. my brain keeps telling me I'm faking all my problems. that I have no right to feel this way. that I should have cut myself or just kill myself. but too many people care about me, which makes me feel so selfish to have so many friends who care. I should have died in that hospital. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve my friends. I don't deserve anything. I'm so tired of being me. of being the person i am. I wish I was better and wasn't such a failure . that I could make my parents proud instead of stressed out by me. I wish I was a better son. I wish I wasn't the way I am. I wish I could fix all the imperfections I have that cause problems for them