i normally like rant to myself or it’s me letting strangers vent/rant to me but i don’t know why but i decided to like try it today. i hate my life. i like my life. i hate it more though, i just feel like a huge hypocritical loser that doesn’t do jack shit all fucking day. i have no friends cause im not allowed to see them. every year i get so excited, start to romanticize my life again, i get carried away with this idea of how this year is going to be the one but it never is. i feel like no really likes me, they like this idea or version of me. i feel fake. i feel annoying and clingy. i feel distant and avoidant. i feel disgusting and weird. i feel like im fucking backwards and everyone is moving forward without me. everyone keeps leaving me. i feel naive and stupid. everyday i like have to force myself to be myself in the most “normal” way which is exhausting. i have to cry instead of getting angry just so everyone gets off my fucking case. i feel like im not really here at all.