After realizing na hindi pa rin pala ako okay. That I was still lonely. Numb. Alone. I don't know what to do next. Ano nga bang next step? Anong next step after realizing that you're still not okay. Was I really doing okay or was I just pretending to be okay or was I just making myself believe that I was okay? I don't know what to do anymore. For context: I was depressed since I was in highschool. Grew up with an absent father and an emotionally unavailable mother. I tried to commit several times before and was taking meds for almost 4 years but currently stopped because my body was violently rejecting my meds. (Worsen mood swings, had a bald spot because of hair fall, etc.) Now, I'm not sure what to do next. I was happy for a while or I think so. I don't really know anymore. Maybe I was just convinced that I was finally okay because I was distracted. Idk. I'm just really confused again. I think I need help again.