Sometimes I genuinely think wish I could open up about how scary it is that I don’t want to be here anymore but also how badly I WANT to be here but feeling as if…I’m not supposed to stay? Like the logical end of that equation is me leaving this world. I don’t want to, there’s so many things I want to do, people I want to meet and stay for but it feels like I have to lie and hide it all in order to do so..even though I know that grief is always there and I don’t want them to think I’m going to abandon them in a way that effects them for generations but I’m too scared to ever just say it. I’m strong enough to stay but fuck..I just don’t want to be judged or be treated as if I’m a danger for finally admitting to how much pain I’m in.
other3 felt this