i wrote something on here last night but i need to get some more stuff off my chest, i’ve been having really bad urges to self harm and i know i shouldnt, my boyfriend would freak if he knew. i really need to tell him though, i just feel really bad because i wanted to tell him today but we were having such a good time i didnt want to bring down the mood. i was thinking about telling him tomorrow when hes at work but that also just feels mean because he works really hard and is so tired when he gets home but i cant bear to tell him that I’ve been hurting myself to his face :( i really really want to hurt myself again and go deeper just so i know the scars will raise. i wish i was ill so badly, i really think its because i just need a reason to be upset and that i need a label to it. i feel like my pain isnt valid unless i have a label or visible scars (its not like my scars would be anyway, they’re on my upper thigh lol..)