It feels like everything is just a temporary distraction from the emptiness in my soul. Summer break has only worsened this dullness inside of me. Now that I have no routine, nothing to look forward to, just a whole day ahead of me with no plans... It's underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time. I have cravings and desires, things that bring me dopamine in the moment, but it always fades. This boredom surrounds me and suddenly I'm back to where I started. I've tried medications, working out frequently, going on walks, seeing my friends everyday, meditation, but it never helps. It always lingers in me. I don't want to die. I don't want my friends to be traumatized by my death, either. But I'm constantly reminded by this emptiness in me that I will never be satisfied. It's hard to want to live while feeling this way. It feels as if my life only gets worse the older I get. Makes me wonder if living longer than this will all be worth it in the end. But it doesn't matter. I'll be okay