I might ||relapse|| . The only thing keeping me from it is the problem that i dont have a ||blade||. Theres a thing i wanna get of my chess really badly. Its 1 AM , not much but i cant stop thinking abt it. It hurts. Well theres this guy i really like, but my bff also likes him. This guy actually talks to me, is nice and he even gave me a nickname which i find cute idfk man. He prob doesnt even know my bsf at all. but i still have to give up him for her. not bc she forced me to, but bc it would be wrong for me to make a move on him or smth when I KNOW she likes him. And it hurts so fucking much to let someone i love go. Idk, but it hurts mentally and physically idk man. Pathetic thing to say but idfk It hurts so much. SO MUCH. And i just want to cut myself but i cant. it hurts. The thoughts. I get intrusive thoughts often. I think. If i could kill myself then how. Or repeatin i will kill myself. Or idk.