"Every time we talk, its about your boyfriend, I don’t really wanna hear anymore about him, Can you talk about anything besides your boyfriend?! GOOD GODDAMN I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND!" I hate feeling this way. I live in a religious enviroment so lots of homophobic jokes and shit. Even online I lie to myself 'Im aro/ace!' No tf Im not. I really want a partner. I just dont want a boyfriend. I wanna hold hands,kiss,go on dates, have a picnic with someone. That "someone" isn't a boy and it never will. I dont think I can love a boy as much as I love girls. I hate myself for that. Lie,lie,lie,lie,lie,lie but lying is a sin as well. What am I even supposed to do? Im a sinner either way. Idfc about male celeb crushes. Idfc about boys. And I dont care about your boyfriend. It hurts. Why cant I do that? I feel like crying. Everytime my bsf talks about her book crushes I hate it. I get it you like this character bc he's sooooo hot. I really wanna hold you. Im sorry