I feel so suicidal. I don’t know why i feel like this at a young age. I started distancing myself from god and Christianity itself. I got bitter towards religion because I’ve begged and prayed for hours for my life to get better. I don’t know how to kill myself. I’m afraid to do it, but shooting myself sounds like a painless death. I asked my older brother if he knows anyone who sells guns, but he said he didn’t know. I hate myself, I can’t name one thing I like about myself. I can see any other girl who is overweight, or underweight, or with an acne face, or no butt, or no boobs. Whatever is considered unattractive and think anyone could be more attractive than me. I don’t allow myself to like boys because I think it is just a shame for someone as ugly as me could have a crush on someone. I’ve recently realized that because I am ugly and chubby some people dehumanize me, but I also do it to myself. I genuinely don’t think I deserve as much rights as attractive people do. I’m lost.