So Im generally a well treated person but I feel like I lack understanding on the world around me and that nobody really gets me. Sometimes i feel like im self sabotaging myself because i dont treat myself with kindness and i end up isolating myself. I also feel too sensitive over everything and my adhd is fucking me over the things Im passionate about. I dont eat enough. Im not motivated enough to do things. I have a porn addiction. When I become self aware, I end up hating the person that I am and refuse to look at my own reflection. I tend to struggle with suicidal thoughts but am too afraid to act it out because then itd be missed potential. Im not in a financially good spot and I have a job but sometimes the first hand embarrassment and misunderstandings of instructions make it hard for me to do things with confidence. Sometimes i wish id disappear and not come back for a while. I detest anyone who has ever wronged me and i hate that i think back on it sometimes.