i feel so ugly that i want to shed my skin and burn it with the along with the lies that people have told me to make me feel better. I am not remotely attractive at all and i never have been i want this skin off and i want to feel the cold air against my actual muscle it makes it so much quieter because all i can think about is how fuckimg cold i am i want to be cold forever i wouldn't do it myself though i need god out of my ear he is telling me repeatedly that i am the sacrificial lamb i was put here temporarily to suffer ill visit an eternal lake of green if i comply i start to cry when i think about the possibility of this being a lie what if my suffering is all for nothing can everyone lie because god can lie or can god lie because everyone lies? i am not everyone but i was god last week and i want to know that again but this joy is never forever i can't do this for the rest of my life i can do this in this skin im not supposed to be here i'm so sorry