Im so fucking confused. I have a crush. On my best friend of 3. Years. And I hate myself for it. Like what did I do to deserve this?! Everything was fine! But of course, even when I try to push it down, it doesn’t work! But now I’m getting my hopes up! She won’t tell me her crush, and I haven’t even told ANYONE about mine, and of course she’s my best friend, the only person I can talk to about this shit, the first person i came out to, the first one to know I am having problems with my gender, EVERYTHING! I can’t go a day without thinking about her voice, her hands, her snarky attitude, and it sickens me! Im such an awful friend, but I’m trapped. Im like a bird in a locked cage, because I can’t talk to anyone about it. And I can’t tell her. Even if she’s bisexual, even if she drops hints I pretend to ignore, I’ll never be sure. Im fucking disgusting.