Ever since I ended up ruining a friendship from my anger and self-destructive mindset, I've been so anxious ruining my other friendships afterwards. Lately, that same feeling has gotten worse as so many things has been bothering me to the point I've hurt myself and other friends. They'd see me get slightly irritated by small things, then sooner or later I begin screaming, crying, hitting myself with objects like books and bags, and drawing imaginary cuts on my arms since I'm too much of a weakling to physically harm my body to that extent. And when they try to find someone to help support me or even notify them about my behaviour, I feel unworthy and frustrated of their helpfulness. It's like my mind doesn't want to get help; my mind keeps regressing back to misery and the constant thoughts that I'll never grow as a person. Perhaps I'm right: I'll never grow. One day, I'll feel that same heartbreak of seeing my friends leave me, and realising the same destruction I've made. I'm sorry.