What’s that one weird feeling called when you hate someone oh so much that should be dear to you but feel so so bad so utterly heart wrenching whenever they “realize” that they’re such a “bad” person? When you hear such things you feel so upset, on the verge of tears because that’s how you feel about them but could never tell them because they lack the emotional capacity to understand what you’re trying to say, what you’ve been feeling for years on end? When you’re around them feeling so disconnected and almost disgusted because you’re the exact spitting image of them.