I need to get worse. It's what I deserve to be needed, right? I need to cut myself deeper. I need to get groomed again. I WANT to get groomed again. I want noticeable scars on my arm, I WANT to be worse. I want to be insufferable and show people what I do to myself, I hate everyone and I love everyone, I want to be dead but I fear being dead, what am I meant to do with myself? What am I supposed to do if I dont want to be better, I never want to get better. Real talk I'm 12. I'm 12 years old. And I'm living like this. I don't deserve any of this. But I want it. I want to be raped I want anything bad that could possibly happen to me, but I can't find someone bad to do this for me. It's the only thing holding me back. I need someone to hurt me I need someone to hate me, I need someone. It's like a living hell implemented into my daily life. I can't go a day without wishing this upon myself. I wish upon a star for the day I get what I want. For once. And finally