i feel like such a fucking monster glancing at women in beautiful dresses and fun costumes and cut outfits and thinking "god i wish i had been born that instead of the dipshit i am now" like i want to say hi and compliment them and wish them a good day and even that feels like i'm just going to creep them out and bother them so lately i just stare over my glasses so all the details and faces blur out because seeing people happy and joyful with friends and non-dysfunctional families makes me so happy for them it makes me want to cry wishing i could be happy like that too i wish someone else was born in my place, maybe they wouldn't have fucked everything up so bad
frustration2 felt this