halloween is coming and soon everyone will be outside, walking around in costumes and cosplays, laughing with their groups of friends as they knock on the doorsteps of others for candy with grins on their face. i'll be home without any costume or friends, scrolling on tiktok in the piercing silence of my room and watching videos after videos of people getting excited and ready to go out trick or treating. i know i want to join them and just be happy, my skin itches for the feeling of not having to stress about anything other than what tricks i might get. but i know i cant and it makes me sick. i'll hear the muffled sound of innocent freedom just right out my door, so close i can feel the vibrations of their laughter against the cold wall. i'll hear the knocking on my door and wont be able to move or respond at all. and they'll be tasting the sweetness of the candy they earned, while i'll be feeling the bitterness of the jealousy deep in my heart. im only 12, my childhood is wasted