I HATE MYSELF SO DAMN MUCH. I don't wanna live anymore. Can I please get a break I can't admit I'm that weak though. I've been burnt out too long but I just have to keep trying. Every part of rational me does not want to continue but I feel emotionally conflicted with suicide. I wish the world were a different place. It must be cus I'm still young. Maybe I'll just get desensitized to it, 'find a hobby.' Too bad I'm not good at distracting myself from my own head anymore. I am alone in real life with this. I don't feel capable of people's expectations that I'll do well in life. I don't feel okay. I feel so useless lol, it's dreary waking up. Hooked up onto meds. Therapy. Venting. I just wanna kill myself I can't. I gotta keep trying until I physically can't anymore. Maybe it'll get better, maybe it won't. I wish I had someone I could be honest to at this moment. My fears always get ahead of me and I shrink away.