im tired. im so terribly tired of knowing that i cant escape reality. i cant fucking daydream, i cant fucking zone out, i cant fucking imagine shit at all. why must i be in the present at all times? why must i be fucking aware of EVERYTHING. of people, of their actions, what may come next, what WILL come next, and what not. why must i go through this alone? im so starved of emotional support and love and touch...well its not like i would let anyone touch me anyway. im tired of having to ASK for basic decency, why must i ask for comfort, mother? why must i initiate a "how are you" to my friends for a possibility that they would ask me the same question back? Not that i would tell them the truth. why must i look for ways to escape reality when its near impossible to do so? that was a rhetorical question, i want to try and leave thats why—even if its temporary because this shit ass world is too much for me. im exhausted and it feels like i have to harm myself to get an ounce of attention