My first kiss, which nobody knows, kills me inside. It's been 8 years. I was only 15 and he was 18. We had the same birthday. He liked the same stuff I liked. I had a huge crush on him, I felt a wave of emotions with each song recommendation he gave me. I knew there were other girls he was involved with. I never had a boy interested in me at all and I was going through a lot, so I let him kiss me, do what he wanted, and I feel ashamed. Part of it was because I genuinely crushed on him, but looking back it was a lot to process and I feel I was taken advantage of. I have no hate for him. I can't stop thinking about how his influence changed my viewpoint, and though this was a positive for me, I can't help but feel like something was taken away from me. This is so old for me to mention to anyone I'm close to, he's gone now, but why am I just now remembering like it was yesterday?