idk how much i can gen handle us and this dynamic, i really think abt oh long term wise do i rlly want this, like yes i love you thats why we've been tgt so long, but having a moment in the month where your mad at me for no reason, i have to walk around eggshells and plan everything around feels excessive, idk i know its your illness and u gen can't quite literally control it but it still sucks yk like idk, idk if i want a relationship idk if i wanna devote something to someone at the moment, especially dealing with outbursts that quite literally affect me even worse because i can be living my best life and suddenly im plumpented because of something i could have possibly said, done or anything i could have done better and im always thinking how i can change like what if i dont want to anymore, im tired