thank you for responding about the possibility of rebuilding a relationship with someone like that. it is about me and i feel bad because he apologized when i was 11 and then never did anything to me again and he didnt try to buy my forgiveness with gifts. he was abused as a child by a priest and i feel like both of my parents are just fucked up. the reason i ask is because a really close friend that we shared our traumas together, cut me off because i wasnt fully independent from my parents yet (they had literally held me hostage a couple years before and isolated me because i am disabled and couldnt leave the house and i had no electronics access) and i am extremely poor from not being able to work or get disability so i have no choice but to rely on them sometimes. and i just feel like a horrible disgusting person and a coward. thank you for your insight. i promise im safe right now and that he wouldnt hurt me. he was really only interested in me when i couldnt get pregnant .