I don't want to be angry and sad and bitter anymore. I want to exude happiness. I don't want to choose this anymore. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to hurt the love of my life anymore. I want my family to love me and I want to love them. I just want the buzzing and the noise to stop. i want to let everything go. They don't deserve it, they were kids, but so was I. There was a time, for a long time, my whole childhood, all I looked for was their approval. I wanted them to see me as I was. Instead i felt like I had to continuously mold myself for them. So I can be seen equally. I unfairly blame them, but our parents gave them no better example. I just want to know why I had to feel the anger from everybody else. Why they got older, and came back to me, the youngest, for support. Why they couldn't see I needed any. Why they didn't care about the signs. I'm going to start caring about myself instead. i don't need their care, as much as I want it. And it hurts.