nobody relates to me. i don't have any true close friends and i want to cry. ive adapted to doing and living for other people, i have never been truly happy a day in my life. i am the only black kid in my school and everyone is racist (probably to me even) behind my back, and i cannot do anything but act like it doesn't happen. i have questioned suicide via overdose, multiple times even, and if my life doesn't improve until I hit 18, i feel as if that is the end of the road for me. everyone always expects me to be nice, and im never seen for anything more than that. i just wish i would find a friend that wouldn't judge me and I could actually relate to, but my interests and behaviour are so nonconforming and different that it feels like I'll never find someone I relate or connect with, not even online.