I used to be something special. I had classes to look forward to, people to look forward to. I was funny. I was so fucking funny without even trying and I loved it. Now I can't make jokes. I don't know if it's because I lost the ability or I'm too tired to try anymore. A few days ago I walked my dog and I went to my old school, the school that made me feel seen and happy and I sat down on the bleachers and sobbed. In that moment it felt so easy to go home and get one of my dad's guns and just end everything. I couldn't think of a reason to stay. My fucking dog just looked at me and I sobbed and nobody will ever know. I hate this school. I'm scared and angry all the time and I know I have to get perfect grades or else Im trapped but I feel im burning out im just so tired but that doesn't fucking matter. I cry everyday in the bathroom and nobody notices and if someone asks I snap at them. What even matters anymore.