i really hope he hasnt caught feelings. because he knows i probably wont return them. right? i mean he has to. i just want sex and friendship really...maybe qpr?? ig?? but even that makes me feel icky. dude earlier they sent me a gif and talked about how they found more cool gifs to use and i went "OOOOH" and i just felt. disgusted with myself. it was too wholesome. i dont love him that much. i cant love a human being. not that way. ew. i felt disgusted because we were texting like a fouple would. but i enjoy talking and flirting with him and sexting and stuff and i dont want to talk to him about what our relationship even is because what if that breaks it apart? what if it fucks up the whole friend group? who the hell do i fuck then? i dont have anyone. this is my only shot at getting some action and i dont wanna fuck it up by being fucking arospec. i dont want to break his heart. he already has so much going on. and i love him. as much as i can. which, i fear, might not be enough.