i think i talk to him like this because i want to at least try a relationship. i fucking larp alloromanticism. god what if i break his heart and all my friends hate me because i lead him on? okay okay. im mainly flirting with him because im horny lately and our sexual preferences align really well. but i also feel like its to like...pretend to be in a relationship. but not actually have to do the relationship stuff. just proving to myself and others that i can. and also its iust fun? and funny? and novel? and it makes me feel appreciated? but sometimes i feel uncomfortable like ew get away from me. and honestly i dont even like him that much tbh. i dont find him that attractive. but our sexual preferences align really well. and sometimes i really wanna like be intimate with him but sometimes it disgusts me. i just cant make up my mind. maybe its because im not horny rn? like...at all? wtf thats so weird. anyway. yeah i think im a terrible person or something. ok im done now