today was my best friend's birthday and yesterday i went to her birthday party. as a person with low self esteem and social anxiety i thought that it would be the perfect opportunity to open up a little and make new friends. but after like ten minutes it all felt so tiring and i was starting to feel really mentally exausted from constantly worrying about how i look, fixing my lipstick and hair every moment i got and i was really anxious for no reason at all. my mind was subconciously making me exclude myself from activities and dancing and i looked SO uncomfortable that every so often someone had to forcefully include me in things. why am i like this? it isnt their job to keep on introducing me to my friends