i am stuck in a loop of relapsing no matter what. I had a perfectly good day today, I hung out with my friend for a few hours, and after he left i called my partner for 5 hours, and i was having fun the entire time, but as soon as the call ended and i was left alone. I felt a wave of loneliness and I ended up hurting myself again, i don't know what to do. Either i am harming myself or i am indulging in horrible communities(The bad part of the tcc) and it makes me feel like a disgusting and horrible person. I do not know whats wrong with me, i am in therapy but i am too ashamed to bring this up to him, what if my therapist thinks i'm a threat to others? Please, i'd appreciate any advice, because I am so close to believing that the only way to stop this is to end myself. and i don't really want to do that just yet.