i've never said this online before, except for telling my partner over text. it makes me feel so nervous, but i know i'm anonymous... anyway. i believe i'm a system. i've been questioning for years. but don't believe something like that could ever happen to me. but the more i deny it and say i am the only one in my mind, the more i say i'm just faking for attention, (though i've only told one person and don't put it anywhere online), the more...angry? upset? certain parts of me feel. after the hellscape that was 2020 tiktok and, "EVERYONE just seems to have alters these days!!! just self diagnosing!!!" and "you can't have alters of fictional characters!!!" - like, why wouldn't that put me in denial? i don't want to seem like those people...i just push down all these feelings. these symptoms. maybe i would begin to start considering it if i got diagnosed but i just,, don't know anymore. i feel like a disgusting faker.