what do i do if the memory is real. what do i do if it isnt, but still feels like it is. why am i so convinced something terrible happened to me as a kid. maybe even more than once. i dont remember. i cant remember. i cant. i dont. none of it feels real enough to believe. im scared. but nothing changes whether its real or not. it doesnt matter. why does it have to matter so much to me. im so confused. im so tired. i dont know anymore. i dont know. i dont know. i dont know. i dont know. im sorry i dont know. im sorry.