Sometimes when I see cases of kids being killed by their parents, I feel kinda jealous that it wasn't me who died so young. Because to be honest, if a kid grew up with parents that ever had thoughts of killing them but didn't, wouldn't life just hurt more them? and they have to be responsible for their pain the moment they turn into an adult? Either way, I don't really see death as something sad or horrifying anymore, I think it's a sweet relief from all the pain that happened before, happening now, and will happen in the future. Am I being pessimestic? bc I have rationalized life as something that's not worth living, to the point where if i imagine life as something worth living, the thought of losing this good life immediately comes onto my mind. therapy?medication? what is the point of "curing" if im going to end up dead anyways, nobody ever cared so why care now when it makes you uncomfortable? so selfish in your own morals