I dont think im suicidal anymore, but I still dont want to live. I wish I could just disappear most days. I dont do anything productive, I dont find joy in anything anymore. On one hand I want to heal to prove that I can do it, and on the other hand I want to stay sick to prove there's something wrong. I want people to notice then lie when they do. Anytime I bring up something that happened to me people look at me like im crazy. I graduated highschool, but I'm not even supposed to be alive, so I didn't plan my future. I just maladaptive daydream all day. I wish I had a better life. I wonder if one day I'll be able to achieve a life I want. If I'll be able to be confident in my skin without shielding my scars. Idk. Thats all.
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