I feel so nervous and sweaty all the time, I feel like I dont care about the people in my life the way I should, I feel like I dont care if I do sometimes. I get nervous thinking about them and seeing them. I do so many bad things and im such a bad person and I dont know what to do, sometimes I care and sometimes I dont and when other people care about me or I know they'd do something for me and I'm not doing that for them the guilty conscience eats me alive. I could just put in more effort or do the things they do for me but I also dont know what to say or do sometimes and thats also an excuse sometimes because I just dont want to. I just dont wanna try harder. I want to play stupid games all day and not worry about you, and I know thats bad. I dont want to worry about anything, I just want rest, I want your life to be better but theirs a difference between wanting and doing. I'm just making your life worse because I'm lying and I just wish I was dead. If I was dead, than peace.