replying to people feels so hard, talking to people, having friends, but I feel like I should be so appreciative I have friends. Its just so much and its so stressful and overwhelming and I want to talk about it but I feel like I can't to them. I feel dread a lot opening texts or calling or hanging out but I try my best so I can be a good friend to them. I feel like I can't be though knowing I don't want to do any of that, I don't want to call or text, so im lying. And they say I put distance between us, but I don't want to be close, but I also do for them because were already friends. I want to be a good person and a good friend, but I think when im older I won't have any friends, I'll make sure I dont. I just dont want to abandon my friends now and it all just feels so complicated when I can barely think most the time. It feels like theirs a wall in my head I can't get past and all I want is to be alone, im forgetting things I wanna say right now, my memory is awful.