i’m frustrated by how much i put up with my ex, and even months later, i still cling onto it. i wish i was genuine in how much i hated him when i broke up with him, but i didn’t want to be mean and still felt attached to him to be honest. i despised the fact that i put more into our relationship than he ever did, making him meals, driving him places, giving him gifts. i thought about him all the time and how i could make his life better and he NEVER did anything equal to all the care and consideration i gave to him. i once asked for flowers and he called them stupid, saying that they’d just die. he was so subtly sexist and overtly racist toward me, and i’d just uncomfortably laugh it off. he hated my friends, he never tried to get along with them or my family despite me putting in greater effort with his friends and family. i’m so mad at myself for putting up with all this shit and never making it known how much i hated the fact that he never cared.