I’ve felt alone my whole life. My dad never showed me attention and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s been 16 years since he left. My mom was there but she was struggling alone so she took it out on me. I bore the weight of it because it felt like all of this was my fault. existence feels like a burden. So I minimize. I try to make it so people don’t even notice I’m there. Like when I use the kitchen, I try to leave it exactly how it was before.I walk on my tip toes because I don’t wanna make noise. I turn door handles when I close them to make it silent. Every action I take is to reduce myself. And I can’t live like this anymore. I couldn’t love myself so I went searching for it in relationships. I tie my worth to how my girlfriend is doing. If she’s good then I’m good. It’s a physical, real measure of my worth.I ruined every relationship. It’s been 3 years since my last one. I broke up with her but I think about her daily. She’s engaged. Ogres don’t live happily ever after. I accept.