I am 14. I get straight As at school. People don't hate me. I have discovered I'm a perfectionist. But not like I want everything to be perfect, but a maladaptive perfectionist which means I equate my academic worth with self worth. Turns out this is because I have severe anxiety. Also turns out I've been having anxiety attacks for a year and have functioned through them due to a deep rooted fight and flight response my body has created. I have no one to help me, I can't tell any one because I'm too scared that they will try to 'fix me' and I will change to become someone who isn't perfect, which means I won't be top of all my classes getting a grades, which means I lose a part of myself which I couldn't live without. I am nothing accept my achievements. I'm a fuckig dissapointment if I'm not perfect. I must be perfect. I cannot mess up now. I must suffer through. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I just want to be perfect. I must be perfect or else I have nothing else. I must always be perfect.